Hi, My Name is Dolph

If you get Dolph in the house
you'll be caught in his net
like a slow moving tuna.

One time I staggered to
the local Blockbuster
after waking up the night before
on the sidewalk in a
neighborhood I didn't know.

My clothes dirty,
I reeked of rum
and my hair was disheveled.

I didn't rent one of
the multitude of Dolph
Lundgren titles that day.

Maybe if I had, it wouldn't have taken me eight more months and a hundred and one disasters to sober myself up.