Neocon's Delight

If your neighbor dies

and she's buried down

at good ol' Forest Green

and you thought she was

the purtiest gal

your sick old eyes had seen

you get your shovel

and you wait til dark

as you sniff some elmer's glue

when you hit the sixth foot

and the casket goes clang

you say what would a neocon do

well... he... would...

take her on home

put her in a different dress

then he'd make a little mess

dripping butter on her chest

rest her head on the pilla

have a nip a sasparilla

take a pic to save for later

call his mom up to berate her

why'd she raise him up this way

if he'd only turned out gay

life would be a little better

put away the graverob sweater

sick desires at an end

happy times around the bend

yippy yi yippy yay

what a glorious day

and we all sing a song

about where he went wrong

If the cops come knockin'

on your old front door

and you know they got the right

to take you to jail

for the stuff you did

to that little boy last night

you head for the window

ease the shades up slow

and you leave with no further ado

when you pass the state line

on the greyhound bus

you ask what would a neocon do

well...he...would...

whip out his nine

turn the bus across the line

shoot the driver in the chin

execute all the men

let the kids and women go

'cept the lad with polio

likes the boys with the crutches

gotta get 'em in his clutches

dance around in galoshes

loves 'em in oshkosh b'goshes

long as age is under seven

he's in sex offender heaven

now he's back where he started

cop says smells like someone farted

so they know that he's home

call his lawyer on the phone

get my mom to bail me out

can't--she's sickly with the gout

what about Uncle Deer

he's the one who got me here

with his unwelcome grab

took me to his basement lab

where he mixed up all his cremes

i can still hear boyhood screams

burned him up it was crazy

"time to go, inmate Cheney"