Alas, The Frothy Brew Hath Departed

If prohibition comes again
and brew is made illegal
you'll all be just like me
and put away the chivas regal

A 40 ounce becomes a 12
a bud becomes a pepsi
and caffeine doth replace the feel
of Beck's sweet narcolepsy

A flask in pocket dwells no more
instead a Dr. Pepper
I said your mom's a dirty whore
for calling me a leper

Tis true a Diet Mountain Dew
has nothing on Bacardi
one shrinks thine penis even more
whilst other livens party

and what is humble minute maid
without some vodka added
non-alcoholic screwdriver
is like a bra that's padded

Oh wretched sweet kahlua
is there any taste replacement
Is it worse to drink plain coffee
than move back to mother's basement?

There's no place like Tequilaville
once you've become the mayor
what fun are city council meets
without the need for Bayer

Poor sweet Coca-Cola
once the famous sweet elixir
has lost its former luster
since it stopped being a mixer

Though constant 'bibing tis the key
to many happy mem'ry
Sobriety's McGahee
drunkenness is Travis Henry.